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Porch Pirates and Jersey Values: Why Washington Should Stay Off Our Doorsteps

by December 26, 2025
December 26, 2025

Mike Fox

Porch Pirate

We’ve all been there. You get the notification: “Package Delivered.” You head to the door, heart full of anticipation, only to find an empty porch.

Years ago, while living in a duplex, I had a slightly different experience. An Amazon package of mine was mistakenly placed in my upstairs neighbor’s mailbox. Oblivious to the name on the label, she took it—only to discover it was a law book I’d been assigned for my law school clinic. It was a simple mistake between neighbors, but it highlights a growing national conversation: Who should be responsible for policing our doorsteps?

Currently, when a porch pirate strikes, it’s a local matter. You call the police, they investigate, and state prosecutors pursue charges under state law. This is precisely how the Framers intended our system to work—entrusting local authorities to handle quintessential state-law crimes.

However, new bipartisan legislation is looking to upend this balance. Representative Josh Gottheimer (D‑NJ) recently introduced the Porch Pirates Act of 2025. “We can’t let the holidays be snatched away from us in broad daylight,” Congressman Gottheimer stated, framing the bill as a defense of “Jersey Values.”

While the sentiment is relatable, the legal reality is deceptive. New Jersey, like most states, already possesses the tools to combat theft. By looking to Washington to solve a local problem, we aren’t just seeking efficiency; we’re eroding the foundations of federalism.

The proposed bill seeks to extend the federal protections currently reserved for the US Postal Service to private carriers like FedEx, UPS, and Amazon. Specifically, it would federalize the “unlawfully taking” of any package delivered by a private carrier before the addressee has taken physical possession.

But the Constitution imposes strict limits on the scope of federal power. Historically, federal jurisdiction follows the “stream of commerce.” Once a package reaches its final destination and is no longer in transit, federal authority ends, and state law takes over. This bill relies on a “Sense of Congress” that it possesses the power to regulate these items simply because they were once moved by an interstate carrier.

This raises two major concerns. First, the Supreme Court has made it clear that if a crime is local and non-economic, it lacks the “substantial effect” on interstate commerce required for federal jurisdiction. Second, by extending federal law to the moment of “physical possession,” the bill effectively treats every suburban porch in America as a federal enclave.

As a native New Jerseyan, I agree we should protect our property. But I disagree on what “Jersey Values” actually are. To me, they’re about respecting state sovereignty and the carefully curated limits on federal power.

By turning a local theft into a federal crime, we aren’t necessarily catching more “bad guys.” Instead, we’re telling New Jerseyans that Washington knows better than their own local police. If we accept the logic that federal authority follows a package indefinitely, where does it stop?

Imagine a relative you dislike stole a box of cookies from your Christmas dinner last night—cookies that happened to be delivered by Amazon a month prior. Under the logic of this act, a modest extension could turn that family spat into a federal felony. When we ignore the doctrine of enumerated powers, we open the floodgates to federal overreach in every corner of our private lives.

We must stop looking to Washington for answers to problems that our local communities are perfectly capable of solving. Respecting the Constitution means respecting its limits. Our porches belong to us, not the federal government.

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